1.4《鲸群星海》

Example 1

E: “We were friends when we were little, but I’ve been trying to drop her for ages. It’s not my fault she can’t take a hint. Look, can we just go? This is a stupid party, and this stupid dress is too cold.”

C:“我们小时候是朋友，但我早就想甩了她了。这不是我的错，她就是不识趣。唉，我们可以走了吧？这派对真无聊，这条裙子也太冷了。”

Analysis: When translating this sentence, the translator added an interjections “唉”. This reflects Ivy’s impatience, dissatisfaction, and helplessness. She is unhappy with the current situation, including the party and her relationship with Millie, and uses this word to express her desire to leave quickly. The added “唉” enhances the conveyance of the character’s emotions, making the dialogue more vivid and expressive, and allowing readers to better understand Ivy’s feelings at that moment. Additionally, due to a lack of experience and knowledge, few young readers can intuitively feel Ivy’s emotions in the novel. They often fail to grasp the emotional tone conveyed by the story during reading. Therefore, the translator should appropriately add words that express the characters’ feelings and communicate them to young readers.

Example 2

E: She began to scream and then abruptly tried to stop, which resulted in a sound like AAAAgggchhh.

C: 她“啊啊啊呃呃呃”地叫了起来，但猛地试图停下来。

Analysis: This is a description of Fern’s state when she encounters a bear. Fern is not only extremely frightened but also afraid of attracting the bear’s attention. The author, drawing from personal experience, incorporates onomatopoeic words “啊啊啊呃呃呃” to vividly express Fern’s emotions, conveying the same feeling as in the source text. Without these onomatopoeic words in the target text, it would not align well with young readers’ interests, which contradicts Child-oriented Theory. The language would appear dull and unengaging, failing to vividly depict Fern’s fear and unease upon meeting the bear.

Example 3

E: The possum gave another hiss, then it fled into the trees.

C: 鲁弗斯又发出一声嘶嘶声，然后“咻”地一声逃进了树林里。

Analysis: This sentence describes Fern seeing Rufus (possum) rush towards the bear and then flee into the forest. In the translation, instead of using the adverb “迅速地” the translator added the onomatopoeic word “咻”. This expression is commonly used in Chinese to describe swift actions, such as whoosh, his face turned red. Incorporating “咻” not only conveys Fern’s shock at Rufus’s sudden appearance but also creates a vivid image for children.

Example 4

E: “You traded clothes with Rachel?” Fern said. It came out too loud.

C:“啊！你和瑞秋换了衣服啦？”芬大声地说道。

Analysis: Throughout the translation process, the translator kept Child-oriented Theory in mind and paid more attention to the target readers. Therefore, exclamatory words were added to cater to children’s reading preferences and meet their expectations. This sentence is what Fen said upon seeing Ivy’s clothes. Adding the interjections“啊” reflects Fen’s shock and anger. Meanwhile, adding the exclamation “啦” better fits children’s speech patterns, shortening the distance between the reader and the novel. Without these exclamations, the target text would become dull, reducing the reader’s interest.  Splitting into short sentences

Example 5

E: The world swung back and forth, and she felt herself thud back to the ground. Then nothing.

C: 整个世界开始天旋地转，她感觉自己"砰"的一声又摔回地上。然后，就什么都不知道了。

Analysis: The four-word idiom “天旋地转” accurately captures the dynamic dizziness of ‘swung back and forth’, saving words compared to a direct translation and making it easier for readers to understand. The combination of the refined idiom and the colloquial onomatopoeia “砰” perfectly simulates the process from imbalance to impact. The four-character structure retains literary quality while meeting the rhythmic needs of children’s reading.

Example 6

E: She saw a handful of fishermen seated on the railing of one of the boats, cardboard containers open on their laps, licking grease off their fingers.

C: 忽然瞧见几条渔船上三三两两坐着几个渔夫——他们跨坐在船舷栏杆上，敞开的纸盒搁在腿间，正津津有味地吮着手指上的油呢。

Analysis: The use of four-character idioms like “三三两两” and “津津有味” in this translation demonstrates several key advantages of employing such classical Chinese expressions in children’s literature translation. Firstly, these idioms possess an inherent rhythmic quality with their symmetrical 2+2 character structure, creating a musicality that appeals to young readers’ auditory sensibilities. Secondly, they offer exceptional semantic efficiency - “三三两两” vividly conveys the scattered, sporadic seating arrangement of the fishermen, while “津津有味” perfectly captures their relish in eating, condensing complex imagery into just four characters each.

Example 7

E: It didn’t feel like a secret between the two of them anymore, but something embarrassing that Fern should keep to herself.

C: 这已经不再像是她们之间心照不宣的秘密，而是变成了芬觉得应该藏起来的羞于启齿的事情。

Analysis: In the source text, ‘embarrassing’ was translated as “羞于启齿”, with an added phrase “心照不宣”. The author’s choice of this translation not only more accurately and meticulously conveys the original meaning but also allows children to read with better rhythm. These expressions can also stimulate young readers’ imagination. Additionally, children can learn some four-word phrases by reading this translation.